Friday, December 28, 2012

6 months...

Wow, where to start? I've started to write this blog post so many times in my head and then a million things seem to happen and I never got around to it. I can't believe the last time I posted was when Cosette was 6 weeks! She is now 6 1/2 months old and if I'm being completely honest it really took me about 6 months to get comfortable in my new role as her mother.

Here's the thing...I think motherhood brings out the best in you but I also think it brings out the worst. For instance, I'm pretty neurotic. As much as I wish I wasn't I just am. I'm not the laid back confident mother. In the beginning especially I questioned most everything I did. There is no job more important than being a good parent. It is such a HUGE responsibility. Then top off the responsibility with the absolute blinding love you have for your baby and the stakes couldn't be higher. You are responsible for keeping another person alive!! You are responsible for surrounding them with all the right things so that they grow up to be a smart, happy, capable adult. And it is the most important thing you'll ever do.

I now understand what people meant when they said there is no manual for this stuff. There are so many different theories out there on how to raise a child it all gets so confusing. Baby Wise, Attachment Parenting, RIE - the list is endless. What's right? Every baby and every parent is different (obviously) so I think the answer to that question varies greatly.

I've learned so much in these last 6 months. I've learned that I have to let go and trust. Trust that Cosette will eat when she's hungry, sleep when she's tired, crawl when she's ready. I can't control these things and I really don't want to. I'm letting my baby lead the way and it is working for us (most of the time).

I've learned that the days go by faster than you ever think they will (such a mom thing to say). I don't want to feel like I'm holding my breath through motherhood. If I don't stop to be really present in the moment and enjoy my baby girl I am robbing myself and I'm robbing her. Such a huge lesson. One I have to constantly remind myself of.

I'm sure now that I'm feeling pretty comfortable with motherhood something will happen and everything will change again. For the first time I'm actually okay with that. As C.S. Lewis once said, "There are far better things ahead than any we leave behind."

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